About This Site
So, I assume that if you're reading this page, it's because you A) are one of my parents, who'll read anything I write regardless of its promised or imagined entertainment potential, B) were actually looking for information on the porn star Melissa Wolf, or C) are actually curious about me and/or this site.
For the curious among you: I'm Melissa (or as some of you may know me, Malisams, a nickname bestowed upon me by way of a laughably misspelled airline ticket about 10 years ago). I live in NE Portland with my fiance Damian, the world's greatest Manx cat named Chai, two ducks, four three chickens (Big Girl turned out to be Big Boy, and it was bye-bye to the country), and a Black Moor goldfish named Fishtard. My parents divorced when I was 4, but I had a relatively normal, happy, healthy childhood (though my mom occasionally muses aloud that she must have "raised me wrong" because I curse like a sailor, am agnostic, suffer from low self-esteem, and don't tear up when I hear Lee Greenwood sing "Proud to be an American"). I have a younger sister and two stepsisters. I love traveling, coffee, Harry Potter, and being inappropriate. I hate waking up, working out, small talk, and people who whistle.
The rest (presented as a chronological timeline because I'm lazy):
May 2000: Graduated from Linfield College with a degree in Communication, an unhealthy addiction to Party Pizza, and a mountain of debilitating credit card debt.
July 2000: Due to aforementioned debt, put my dream career writing for National Geographic "on hold" and took a receptionist position at ISITE Design. Transitioned from receptionist to project manager a year or so later.
February 2005: Halfway through a two-day marathon client kickoff meeting, realized I really fucking hate project management, wasn't any good at it, and loathed most of my clients. Put in my two-week notice.
May - September 2005: Cashed in my 401(k), found a catsitter and fled the country with my soul in tatters. Lived in Nosara, Costa Rica, where I surfed, entered the blogosphere for the first time, and found that I do NOT do well with that much free time (but that my hair gets pretty and wavy in high humidity, yay!).
October 2005: Returned from paradise for the birth of my nephew, CJ, the light of my life and sometimes my very reason for living. Also realized that there was approximately $0.00 in my bank account. Ignored my soul's cries of agony and went back to PMing at ISITE as a freelancer.
October 2006: After a quiet year living in SE Portland in relative comfort and health, some friends and I voluntarily entered the first circle of hell by starting an alternative monthly newspaper serving SW Washington. The Vancouver Voice was born. My stepfather rejoiced that my $80,000 college degree was finally being put to use. I fell further into debt, and began fantasizing about death.
January 2008: To our delight and horror, the newspaper was still alive, albeit barely. We were but one fetid breath away from the dreaded death rattle when James saved us by pulling an investment partnership right out of his ass. The Voice entered into a 6-month joint operating agreement with an long-established NW newspaper family and we began the painstaking transfer of assets and responsibilities.
April 12, 2008: I turned thirty. (This has no real relevance. I just want to express how incredibly traumatic this was for me.)
Present Day: The joint operating agreement is over, the newspaper is under new, capable management, and we are free. FREE, DEAR READERS. We have our lives back! Our money! Our time! Our sanity! James is back to his book writing and I am free to focus on my new job at ISITE as an Information Architect, which I actually really and truly love. In fact, for the first time in years, I don't wish for the elevator cables to snap and send me plummeting to a bone-crushing, organ-imploding death each morning on my way into the office! Life has finally returned to normal. What more could a girl want?
I'll tell you what. Her very own blog. I love writing, and after penning articles for the primarily disinterested cultural and intellectual wasteland that is Greater Vancouver, I felt the need to get back to writing that I enjoy -- namely, rants, observations and interpretations, sweet nothings, and rambling, sollipsistic soliloquies.
So this is my blog, and this is me. I hope you like at least one of them. If not, get the hell out of here -- you're skewing my Google analytics.