Ten things about America's Vancouver
Thursday, February 12, 2009 at 11:05AM When I was 12 and my sister 8, my mom moved us from our rambling, century-old country farmhouse (complete with a big-ass barn and 600 acres to explore) in rural Beavercreek, Oregon, to an apartment in East Vancouver. The schools were better or something. Anyway, even back then, before I knew the first thing about urban sprawl or collapsible tax bases, I remember looking out the window as we drove down the cultural and aesthetic vacuum that is Mill Plain Blvd. and thinking, "This place sucks ass. It's nothing but strip malls and housing developments."
Well, this place still sucks ass. It's still strip malls and housing developments and big-box stores and ill-timed traffic lights and chain restaurants. It's still mind-numbingly soul-sucking in every way.
EXCEPT DOWNTOWN VANCOUVER (where we live). After years of neglect and disrepair, Downtown's experiencing a revitalization and is actually -- dare I say it? -- really, really nice. That said, I thought I'd share a few insights into life in (mostly Downtown) Vancouver. Because, well, it ain't all that bad.
Seriously.
Ten Things About America's Vancouver
1. I like to imagine Uptown Village (the area of downtown where we live) as the Hawthorne/Belmont neighborhoods of SE Portland like 15 years ago, before they were overrun by hipsters wearing skinny black jeans and aviators and acting like fucking self-important assholes when all you did was ask (for the seventeenth time) for a refill on your goddamn coffee while they're chipping their black nail polish and talking to their coworkers about how totally bored they are. With everything. Yes, Vancouver is still refreshingly unpretentious, still genuinely enthusiastic about building community and promoting sustainability and living simply. And after suffering the hostility and hauteur of SE Portland for years, it's incredibly novel.
2. Downtown practically shuts down on Sundays. Most of the good shops and restaurants are closed, or are only open for like 20 minutes. If it were a throwback to more Puritan times, I might find it quaint and kinda charming, but I suspect it's actually just laziness. Just because the Lord rested on the seventh day doesn't mean my only lunch options should be Dairy Queen, Muchas Gracias or Subway, guys.
3. In 2006, I and James and our friend Eric Johnson founded the local alternative newspaper, The Vancouver Voice, which was simultaneously one of the coolest and most idiotic things I've ever done. It's actually still alive and well today, though we don't run it anymore; we bequeathed it to a newspaper family with real money and a real staff last year so we could pursue other activities, like eating and sleeping and not wanting to kill each other all the time.
4. My favorite local character is the Sammy Davis Jr. doppelgänger who rides around on his bike washing people's cars without their permission and then guilting them into paying.
5. We have a phenomenal farmer's market, even if the resident balloon artist dude turned out to be a total pedophile.
6. One of my favorite things to do when the weather's decent (sigh) is walk the Columbia River esplanade up to Beaches or McMenamins and sit out on the patio with a drink and watch the boats go by.
7. Vancouver pre-dates Portland as a municipality by like 20 years, and maybe one of these days Portland will realize this and quit acting like such a prima donna.
8. If you live in Vancouver, you can mock/loathe Vancouver all you want (it's so easy sometimes!). But if you live in Portland, you can shut your fat face and show some respect, bitches.
9. I once heard a ruckus outside our bedroom and looked out the window to find two of the hugest raccoons I have ever seen in my life snuffling around the garage. Huge. Like, pony huge. We make 'em big in Vantucky.
10. The very first Burgerville ever is in Downtown Vancouver, and is old-school get-out-of-your-car-and-order-outside style. They have heat lamps and '80s pop playing on the overheads. It's awesome.
And that's it. I should mention, too, that as much as I'd love to take credit for thinking up this post topic all by myself, I actually got the idea from another blogger. I liked it so much I copied it. I'll also shamelessly copy the way she ended hers, by asking: What sets your city apart?
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Reader Comments (7)
You left out our swaggering John Wayne of a Mayor, Royce Pollard. And yours truly (I live here... what am I, chopped liver?). And The Wiener Wagon (that shit is cheap!).
Oh my GOD, the Wiener Wagon. You're right. And Pollard, yes. And, okay...you. You also make Vancouver truly unique. Especially in that outfit you wore to go outside and smoke last night. Which was awesome. YOU KNOW WHICH ONE I MEAN.
...oh Man! He's not back to his, "Nothin' But A Gym Sock & Raspberry Beret" outfit is he? Shootz! That would be bad. Like, crossing the streams bad...
I like this piece celebrating the authenticity of the community in Vancouver. It reminds me of why my working class neighborhood of Gateway is kinda cool -- literally, all the mouth breathers and their hot air are too scared to go East of 82nd. Yay!
I'm with James. How could you forget the Wiener Wagon? That's probably the only thing I miss about working in the stuffy law firm downtown.
I also have to comment on how I doubt you thought "This place sucks ass" when we moved here and you were only twelve. We were from Beavercreek, remember?
I know I am coming to this conversation a little late in the game, but even though Burgerville is, indeed, AMAZING, the picture that you posted is of Burgerville Number 2. I know, I worked there. Number 1 is in Vancouver, but it is in the Heights...and it's been renovated so it doesn't look as cool as number 2. Little correction...now I want some Walla Walla onion rings....
Love it - right on. I moved up from snotty Portland 10 years ago and will never move back. They can have Sam Adams and their stupid income tax. I love da couve.
Oh - by the way - the burgerville downtown is actually the second one - the original one is up on Mill Plain east of Andresen - it was rebuilt some years ago, but that was the first location.... The downtown one is so much cooler.